Transcendance - 15 ::: I wear Rudhraksh once again !!

Prelude ::: watch out for the para towards the end of my previous posting in this series....I am pasting it once again below.....THIS HAS A SPECIAL SIGNIFICANCE for the current posting.....& hope it will be clearly understood and appreciated at the end of this posting....
Needless to say, I could see my boss getting slightly jittery in the past two days with some "avoidable" comments to me.....It was a surprise to me when I first heard it...and then started telling myself....that after all he is also human only.....its just a mistake that I had a larger than life opinion on him...People get insecured wheen some one starts becoming more effective... ..!!
Dear Gowri
I did the first SILENCE program at Isha in the year 2000. To be very honest, I had felt some thing very deep in each and every Isha iniatitive that I took upon myself (be it basic program, the second level program, Bhavaspandana, Hata Yoga Program, Green Hands participation, Isha Basic Classes Volunteering, Dhyana Yatra.....Think this is an exhaustive list) BUT the only program that I attended by returned back baffled AND without much of deeper experience was the SILENCE program - which is a week long program and it is said to have lot of deeper spiritual significance (Sadhguru says, it is a fast forward way to wipe out our Karma.....and so many have got completely transformed after this program...even I have seen it)
In my own case, I would say that I never experienced or understood the significance of this program....and I remained as usual even after the program. But I should admit that I am lot more mature than few of the people who pride themselves about a "miracle" that they kept quiet for 1 full week !!... I could sense that some thing more than being silent verbally should have happenend and perhaps I did not have the "skill set" to really enjoy it fully....!!
I was not the one to give up...I attended the same program 4 more times... (2002, 2004, 2005 and 2007) - as this is a program (perhaps the only program) which Sadhguru allows us to do the class as a "participant" any number of times...There are veterans who have done this program 18 - 20 times ever since Sadhguru had it first time during 1995 !!
I really feel slighly evolved (please note, not TRANSFORMED) after so many attempts with a capability to appreciate lot of subtler aspects.....and would like to go once more if I am offered a chance (faint possibility.....as I am out of volunteers circle.....!! wish I will be allowed inside during 2009...I skipped current year class....).
Now, coming to the TITLE, I got a Rudraksh during 2000 Silence program and wore it with lot of emotions ..... but over a period of time, with my own self experience, I realised that I did not have the maturity to wear it.....!!
A little about what this simple seed is all about.....There are three states possible for any human being....Haraa (Child Like state), Rudhra (intense and active....) and sadaasiva (uninterrupted blissful state).....and when Shiva was in Rudhra state once, his tear drops fell down in the earth and it grew up as rudrakha...(meaning shiva's tears.....).
These seeds, as told by sadhguru, has the potential to retain the energy and act as a cucoon to preserve our aura...and is of great benefit to any spiritual seeker...Those days, shaiva monks use to wear this just to test the food given to them as alms.....as a rudhraksha mala has the ability to identify any poisonous substance (it rotates anti clockwise.....just in case the food is mixed with poison).These days such situations dont prevail, but it helps a spiritual seeker to retain his energy level where ever he goes...and he can get benefited with a peaceful sleep where ever he goes regardless of the conditions / temparaments of other places.
Now, me wearing this is more out of "imagination"...and at a point of time this became a mere ritual to me...and I used to remove it during night time (which need not be so....it can be around the neck all the 24 hours).... as I had tied it around using silver..and it was a discomfort in sleeping posture...
Some thing good happened....to it 4 months back...I tried to season it (24 hours in ghee and 24 hours in milk...followed by one more 24 hours in viboothi) and without knowing much about it, our faithful servant maid used all the power of ther hands to wipe out the fatty residue on the rudhraksh....making me really upset....It was my own fault that I kept it at kitchen and its just the reverance that she did it for me .... Poor me.....!! (she claims that she never used the pril / vim to clean it....)
I did not want to wear it once again.....with this level of man handling by some body (its not about silly thoughts about pollution.....!! its just that this is some thing in the nature of belief and such personal belongings...like rudhraksh and ring.....are not supposed to be transferred....amongst us....)
I remained without any rudhraksha mala around my neck for past 4 months. I got a new one when I visited Isha a fortnight back....this one was much more sleek and slightly costly to my earlier one....I got this one as I intend to wear this through out the day...!! I particularly need this external pyschologoical support considering my exponential growth at my profession and the anticipated situations that could happen at office (refer to prelude).
Unless I become a hard nut and appear quite firm and confident, inspite of my mental age, I could be misinterpreted and misunderstood... as my energy levels are bit abnormal and can make anyone get amused....!! So, like a cricketer wears the abdomen guard and wears lot more of guards in his thies, elbows and over the head, I am getting ready to face some tough external situations......performance appraisal that I am going to have in next 20 days could be a decider on my future role at my office. Thought I am not desparate to reach the next level, with a clear understanding that I deserve to operate from that position, I dont want to miss it.....and regret for my life time....!!
Yesterday night, I visited Kpuram and on the way back to home, I took anoo and madhoo to Vibhuthi Baba temple....and got into my peak meditative mood being there asking for his support.....to keep me hooked to my fullest potential...Reaching home the first thing I did was to wear the new rudhraksh in my neck which was ready after having it seasoned it during the course of last week.....!!
When I woke up today morning, an unusual sense of a foreign object around my neck was felt by me...I wish I get used to this very soon.....and also to get used to handle every encounters / challenges at official front....

After all from now on, I am going to consider all my official experiences as some extra learnings for my future profession....
Its uust slog overs for me at office and I wish I meet the ball with my heaviest bat..every time when it is bowled over me.....!!
suchoo