Transcendance - 8 ::: Up from the Downhill

Dear All
I was going through the series that I wrote approx 4 months back in the title "Walk towards the Peak".....and was vividly getting reminded of those magical moments that I experienced and the flow with which I had captured those moments in this series of postings.....In a way, I do have serious plans this year too to visit Kedar once again.... all alone....& I would personally cherish this particular series as some thing that has happened wonderful through me more than by me.....!!

After completing this series of postings, I had got into a spree of "expression" of my thoughts and feelings in special context to my official environment where most of us spend most part of waking hours - and had started three different series....which remains without any additions for close to a month as of now..... !!

It is indeed quite funny to see my plight...... unable to get out of depression spell that was self inflicted....and has almost ripped me apart and my self confidence for close to a month now.... !! From being recognised as a bright prospect of the organisation that I am employed right now during the appraisal discussion during Jan 2008, it is quite a pitiable state that I have landed myself during the course of the current month....and I am right now in a quite dreadful mood of positioning myself to receive diagrammetically opposite feedback at the end of first half 2008...(we have half yearly appraisals at our organisation)

Leaving aside the perception of people to whom I report to at office, in my own assessment it has been a humiliating period and infact I am a bit ashamed at my lack of consistency...and how shallow & brittle I am ... as a person....!! Being endowed with sufficient level of IQ, Skills set and circumstances to optimally use them, it is really a pathetic state and I only wish I have reached my Lowest.... already.....!! It is quite dreadful to think that I can afford to slide even more from what ever situation I am right now...at office - which ofcourse oozes itself at home and at social spheres too....!!

It is not out of any compulsion that I am posting this.....and it is not that I am ashamed to glimpse through my earlier postings made by me.... in which I had nicely recorded at my HIGHs during the past 4 months..... I could see with all clarity that there was an upsurge in my awareness levels and all I did was to dutifully record them in a permanent chronicle... and I am quite convinced that I am quite sincere in my thoughts and expressions in those series....!! There are few incidents where I would have sounded egoistic eliciting a gentle warning from my comrade of my "excesses"...but the truth remains that I was.....& I did not want to hide it.....After all this is my diary and there was nothing written in imagination....& hallucination.....!!

With better appreciation of the words written by Gowri ("every thing averages out.....in due course"....or some thing to this effect ?), I realise a need to play cool in this recovery process that is bound to happen from now on.....and ensure that I am able to be controlled outside inspite of my HIGHs inside...which can alone guarantee my inward growth..... more than career growth...!!

Here I start my regular postings on Transcendance.....I must be posting at least two postings every week from now on.... I dont find any reason OR justification to have any postings in the other two series ("Manager in the Making" and "Moments of Bliss") until and unless I transcend my basic limitations..... !! At the outset, it is really nice to feel humbled..... Pray that I really become so even after I get going after this bad impasse.... & have some really deserving postings made in the other two series as well...at least after a couple of months....

Krishnaarpanam.... (Being written with lot more feeling and involvment than how I used to write this until now....!!)

suchoo