Transcendance - 19 ::: Getting over a Dissappointment

Dear Gowri

It is quite unbelievable that I am normal again and back to my smiles....!!
It may appear quite childish that I am so gullible but my latest belief on "chaos" theory (Please refer to Transcendance - 18 on this subject) pushed me into such a deep level of dissappointment. This small space of time when I have not got into the web is neither out of "inertness" and nor out of "frustration" but due to a terrific dissappointment.
I started believing strongly that I am getting into my pet career (Training) without losing the cosy comfort of current employment which was like a positive Heart Attack.....!! An innocent mail (or mischievous ?) from my subordinate coupled (or quadrapled ?) with too many signals made me strongly believe that things have worked in favour of me.....!!
I should have thought / held myself a little bit if life could be so easy and simple to walk away with what ever we wanted even though I am blessed to sit in the lap of Sai Baba....!! I did not have an iota of doubt as things were falling in place.....and me getting confirmed about the news again and again....and the person who could have stopped my imagination (my own boss) was not available for 3 - 4 days.....!!
Well, for no good reason, I got dissappointed....The whole of my routine got destabilised for a brief spell telling myself how fragile I can become....with external situation acting against me....!! It took me a very long time to reconcile myself to the current realities (that is, nothing is actually lost OR no tragedy has happened) and me getting back to my familiar rhythem.....
While I am getting ready for the "change management" workshop to meet my inspiring role model, I have been working feverishly at my desk today after wondering for a while about the whole nonsense....!!
Well, how am I going to give sessions on Leadership skills ? How can I speak about being mentally tough and never losing balance....? How can I touch upon crisis undergone as many Trainers would keep narrating about - in their own lives ??
Still, inspite of getting exposed to myself, I feel, I can do a good job of my future thought I dont have decisive responses to any of my questions above....!! During my close to 50 hours of training until now, it was made repeatedly clear to me that I am able to "engage" people's attention and inspire them at the future possibilities on the topic....!! The spontaneity, my intense preparations and my pleasing personality will compensate the areas of improvements....
I am getting more and more clear that I am not going to dissappoint my Trainees.... though I got slipped myself in this silly episode...
suchoo