Things that I love to do....!!

Gowri, your post on your two friends keeps me quite busy bit later...after pasting my comment for the same...and infact posting my own couple of postings for today...

What is that I love to do ?? I have been asking this question incessantly for the past 20 minutes also asking myself if I am longing to do some thing and will I close my eyes (finally) in a frustrated state of mind ?? ....will I brude at the end of my life that I never got a chance to do it .....??

I would like to be extremely sincere in this posting...looking myself quite deeply and not trying to play with my eloquence making this posting "for the sake of it"....beware this could be quite long.....(I can imagine your smiling face when you read this.....)

I have no regrets or longings about life that is happening to me until now...nothing very impactful....in either way....Think I had been average in almost every thing during my young days and even until today....never touching too much deeply on any field....& its not that I wanted to do some thing but could not achieve.....!!

I have wondered if I got married too early before I became a MAN but I repeat it had not grown into a huge regret....as I have got benefited a lot (became more irresponsible) by getting married....Have really no regrets at not being so career oriented & not having many friendships...or external world's exposure....

I always have a very strange characteristic of never been able to feel any thing about the past....either way....I mean, I have no great regrets about the past incidends & also no nostalgia about "those" days which have gone away....I had never felt emotional or bad about even the bitter incidents of the past.....and equally, have no great dreams / ambitions about the future...

At one level, I am leading a very superficial life but some times I am extremely intense and getting moved so deeply about my today's life....Travelling between the bigger picture from the little incidents that happen around AND getting reminded about little things when I am caught up in some big incidents...have kept life extremely interesting for me & I have touched people around me when ever I am joyous....The job at office is considered very mundane and boring by many of my peers is extremely exciting for me and I am slowly learning the art of hiding all the joy inside and trying to be conscious about not to be too visible about it....

Now, what hurts me most is my inconsitency....The huge mental depressions that I have quite often takes away all the BLISSful moments of the present and puts me in a state of guilt....I have clearly identified that laziness / inertness during such mental depressions has been a greatest enemy for me and I think if ONLY I can win it, I have nothing else to long about in life...My yoga practises start dwindling, I become dangerously silent at office and my sleeping time becomes too much....when I become depressed....!! I am yet to understand at this stage what is the reason for this dwindling mind....I am just eager to get out of it ASAP...Perhaps I am not able to identify some unfulfilled longing of the subconscious mind....!!

Coming back what is that I love to do .... before talking about DOING let be talk about BEING....I could become an extra ordinary human being to myself and people around me.... if only I win my laziness and depression spells....if only I learn to regulate myself....if only I can put all my yoga practises into action without a single day break....

Never mind what I DO....It is enough for me to BE the way I want to be, as I stated above.....Any thing that I do will surely become beautiful...

Suchoo