Transcendance - 2::: Swallowing negative feedbacks with a smile !!

Hi

I am going to muse now on a wonderful learning that I had YESTERDAY which was mainly because I had the sanity to sense the gap that exists between words and feelings perhaps for the first time in my life.....in fact, I could smile at a negative feedback which came with lot of anger, received it with lot of reverence as I realised the mistake that I had made & was able to understand the genuineness of the anger and more importantly.....!!! thats written in the long para of this musing....!!

There was a monthly metrics presentation meeting to our MD at office yesterday which was unusally scheduled at 7 PM to 8 PM for our team..!!! The MD was bit red-eyed, perhaps he had a tough / long day and if I had factored this in my presentation, the whole mishap and this musings could have been avoided....(but I would not have got this experience of transcending too....How is that always plusses and minuses are mixed up in life ??)

We have a format of three teams making presentation and I was the last (europe operations) and I think I did a good and effective presentation....!! The curse of tongue and the mindlessness happened when my boss - the manager of the three teams - started his part at the end as he summarised the overall to the MD and our GM..... I dont want to get into details which are normally so important for me but let me try to make this sufficient enough to remind the details to me even if I read this after 50 years from now.....!!

Mr.Saneeswaran came unnanounced and sat in my tongue and I - with a good intention - of chipping in with some extra details - said few things after my boss talked which was in first place was not at all necessary....I dont remember I have made things so absurd earlier in any of my formal meetings (have done too many in personal front.....the whole memory space of the e-world & my rest of life may not be sufficient to write all of them ..). Further to a needless oversmartness, I also told few things that actually damaged the Manager's profile if the sentences are looked with some alertness....The point is that I did not utter the statements in unawareness and I thought I was actually building the image of the team with my details...but I realised the whole nonsense only when my manager blasted me after the meeting was over...

In fact, I was so innocently telling my boss at the end of the meeting that we did a perfect job of time management and complimenting each other (we always have this habit of doing a quick analysis of the meetings...which has really helped us in the past to improvise...). The manager after a blank look at my face literally split acid bottles at my face ripping me apart .... which was so difficult for me to digest....Mind you, I never had a rupture with this man for close to a year of relationship ....

I tried to explain my point and he had the sanity even when he was upset with me, to listen to me and respond me back that my perceptions and intentions were not ok....and was capable of giving shots ...that made me spellbound...While I was searching for more words and justification, I heard a clear inner voice to SHUT UP and SMILE at him.....Having heard it quite rarely, it was difficult to grasp but once I identified it, I just obeyed it quite naturally as I had no other choice.....

While he spoke out and ventillated and I listened, my peers joined me and the blasting continued....and though I felt very odd to have the session continued, I swallowed it again with a smile and allow him to go on rampage.....when he stopped (perhaps for taking breath), I just responded with an apology....nothing more nothing less....and continued smiling.....!!

Then the miracle started....I think this session I explained above was over by 8.30 PM and while my peers settled at their places, my boss and me were in our small board room and he started sharing few things that he never shared with me before....with a foreward to keep every thing confidential which was readily understood by me.....we were together upto 10.30 PM and I learnt too many things from him - more than the details also about him as a complete personality during this 2 hours...I actually had my dinner after that in office canteen and after finishing few priority things set off for home only at 12 AM....

The charging was so much and so deep that today morning I reached office at 7 AM itself to continue few priorities that I missed out on the prior day - which I wanted to complete before my boss reached office at 10 Am....

Some thing tells me I really understood the depth of those golden words spoken at Isha.....which I underwent exactly 10 years back....on being able to respond more than reacting !! its not going to make this as a habit with some conscious practise......I am sure there are countless opportunities to practise on enjoying this gap between words and feelings.....and to respond & not to react.....and to smile & not to speak...

Is this musing too long contrary to the subject written....?? thats ok, I have the liberty to vomit in the washbasin at my home, right ??

Please watch out for the next posting....on moment of bliss that I had today evening, when I travelled back to home from office in my mobike....

suchoo